I caught my breath when my superintendent said this.
But luckily, he was joking around and he quickly explained.
“It’s strange, Tom,” he said. “You’re so worried about paying for your daughters’ weddings, why can’t you figure out a way to tap into technology and create virtual weddings or something. Forget about Daniel Pink and what he says about merit pay and get creative, man. There’s always a way to innovate.”
“You think?” I asked.
“You could cut down on flower costs by having the bridesmaids and bride carry iPads with bright bouquets on the displays,” he said. “And maybe the bride and groom could exchange their vows via Twitter. There are lots of ways to save money when you think about it.”
And think about it I have!
My boss might really be onto something.
So I’ve got to get this list of “virtual wedding” components written down speedy-kwik so I can be the first to trademark it. You’re among the first to see it.
Oh, there’s a method behind this madness – and here are my five steps.
1. Compose a “virtual wedding” list of key features.
2. Secure all trademark and exclusive rights on LegalZoom.
3. Aggressively market this no-fail business asap, maybe go public.
4. Haul the money in barrels to the bank, especially in June.
5. Convince Cindy and the girls to let me back in the house.
Mind you, my list below is not all-inclusive.
Your suggestions are welcome.
If your idea eventually makes it into the launch of “E-Vows” you’ll earn a healthy cut of the profits.
“E-Vows” is bound to be a leader in the skyrocketing field of “virtual weddings staging” and many anonymous venture capitalists have given it their “thumbs up.”
Here’s my draft version of its features.
Click on eHarmony or Match.com. Then click us!
Why spend thousands on a wedding when $126.50 will do?
😛 Set the big date. E-Vows will do the rest.
😛 Invite your guests via email using eVite.
😛 Traditional online wedding registries will still work. (Natch!)
😛 Accept cash gifts using an E-Vows PayPal account.
😛 Use a Google+ Hangout for your bachelor/bachelorette parties.
😛 Limos and carriages are so 2013. Skype everyone in for a buck.
😛 Access “your love songs” on demand. Our dual monitors offer
background music from Pandora and ceremonial wedding music
from Jango. The ads aren’t really that big a distraction.
😛 Every couple has a cute “how we met” slideshow. E-Vows uses
the free PowerPoint Bliss app to keep it both CUTE and CHEAP.
😛 Standing at the altar or sitting in a hard pew is uncomfortable.
Wedding guests using Skype remain within the comfort of their
own home while interacting in style utilizing Photoshop First Kiss.
Like virtual paper dolls, the entire bridal party and everyone else
can enhance their own formal attire, hairstyles, and double-chins.
😛 Your love will connect with all via tweet feeds during your ceremony
and post-trending feedback live: #LoveForever #OpenBar etc.
😛 Your online guests will not doze off during standard ceremony
boilerplate language. (Love is patient. Love is kind. etc.)
E-Vows viewing tools lets guests rewind, pause, and fast-forward.
😛 Food for your online reception is strictly BYOF. Research shows
that people prefer pizza and hot wings 5 to 1 over banquet fare.
Let your guests manage their own dietary restrictions.
😛 All of your reception guests will love our “marry-oke” music.
😛 E-thank everyone by merging names and your “it’s just what we
always wanted” phrases using our MailChimp email service.
I know my E-Vows business model still has some gaps.
The wedding cake is problematic.
Displaying photos of flowers on a bride’s iPad wouldn’t bother me, but I don’t want to see a photo of a piece of wedding cake on a tablet. I want it on a plate… preferably within reach.
Another gap in my E-Vows business model is the significant amount of sales skills required.
My wife and daughters won’t even discuss it.
Their traditional notions about weddings won’t ever be swayed by technology’s marvels.
I’m happy about this, of course.
So maybe I’d just better shift my E-Vows business concept into more of an E-Lope model.
It may be my last best hope.