Saturday shopping sparks a kindergarten round-up idea – SCN Encourager 12/16/2013

Can you shop ’til you drop?

I can’t.

Even when Cindy has updated our gift list and has our shopping “action plan” spelled out like a NASA engineer, I’m drooping after about 35 minutes.

Malls depress me.

Amidst all of the youth-oriented fashions and fads, it’s difficult not to feel my age.

Going up and down the escalators, I saw teenagers hand-in-hand with goo-goo eyes for each other… all while Cindy and I have split up to knock down our selected purchases independently until we’d meet up later at an agreed upon time and place.

I’m sure retail experts study these contrasting consumer behaviors closely.

All I’d like to know is… who has time for romance when you’re working off a gift list? How do these young people shop, anyway?

They sure aren’t very organized. I didn’t see one person under age 22 ever referencing a checklist on a sheet of paper or in a small notebook.

Only older people place a priority on efficiency.

No wonder I couldn’t help drooping.

At one point I walked the length of the mall carrying a crockpot (Kohl’s), a folding emergency snow shovel (Sear’s), and Frango mints (Macy’s).

Without anything from Rue 21, Hollister, or Lids, I was hardly representative of anything you could call “trending.”

And I felt it.

I desperately wanted to buy something that would shave years off of the real me, but what?

Clothes were out of the question.

Despite blizzard and harsh wind chill conditions outside, I saw kids in the mall wearing shorts, t-shirts, sneakers without socks, and baseball caps sideways.

Below my winter vest, I was wearing my warmest pants and shirt, wool socks, and water-proof shoes with treads designed by Goodyear Tire.

I can also guarantee you that anything I was wearing that was sideways, backwards, untied, or unzipped was purely accidental.

The wide range products stacked all around from floor to ceiling weren’t much help, either.

The displays of Ninja blenders, Ninja smartphone chargers, and Ninja kitchen knives (as seen on TV) were tempting, but all they did was inspire me to consider re-naming our big school enrollment event in February to the “First Ever Turbo Ninja Kindergarten Round-Up.”

Hyperbole at 7.53.33 PM

I saw this book and thought of you and every other school communicators.

Does this title encapsulate a lot of what we dish out or what?

Even the sub-title works for us on more days than we’d care to admit — unfortunate situations, flawed coping mechanisms, mayhem, and other things that happened”

Too bad I didn’t spot this book in time to recommend it to you last week!

Might’ve been fun.

I also couldn’t pass by this sign without stopping.

Survival Books at 7.53.00 PM

Just the phrase “… Best Survival Stories ” intrigued me.

I called over to Cindy and said, “Hey, look at this. Did you know It’s been a year now, and I’ve written more than 265 daily Encouragers?Maybe next year, I’ll be considered a survivor and have a book on this table. It could happen, you know.”

“Maybe,” she said. “But your readers are the brave ones. They might submit their survivor stories and get their own book out first.”

“Whoa. Good point,” I admitted. “So how ’bout this item?”

Shades of Grey at 7.52.23 PM“You’re joking, right?” she asked.

“Well, this is obviously one of this year’s new party games,” I replied. “Why do we have to keep playing Pictionary, Apples to Apples, and Mexican Train Dominoes every holiday?”

“The tag on the box says ‘Reveal your Inner Self… or Your Inner Goddess’ or something,” she said. “Do you think this sounds like you? I dare you to pick one up and go buy it.”

“Don’t be so sure I won’t,” I cautioned.

“If I wasn’t hauling around this big crockpot and a snow shovel, I would!”

Tom Page, SCN
carMON 12:16:2013

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